Songbird silenced

She, the songbird 
Clear and bright
Lifts new songbird into light

They, the songbirds
Snuggled tight
Sing together with delight

I, the songbird
Taking flight
Flap my wings with all my might

Feathers burning
Tail alight
Told I must keep up the fight

Songbird broken
Quite a sight
Tried to reach too high a height

Songbird silenced
Muzzled tight 
Other songbirds fear my plight

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If you’ve been a human living in a capitalist society for more than five minutes, you have probably come across the idea that “we all have the same 24 hours in a day” and it’s what we choose to do with those hours that counts. Now, I could write a whole essay on why this isn’t true on a systemic and global scale (in short, those in crisis will not have the same time to dedicate to non-crisis activities as someone who is not in crisis), but quite frankly I am too fatigued to get into all that, and this is a diary-style blog, so I will stick to my own reflections of living as a disabled person.

For me, the shortening of my 24 hours occurs for five primary reasons:

1. A near-daily need for at least one lengthy nap.

2. Every activity requiring an extended recovery period.

3. Health management being practically a full-time job.

4. Task switching, decision-making, and all activities requiring more time than for most people.

5. Neurodivergence (especially ADHD) warping sense of time (for those among you who have never experienced this; you know that feeling you get when you’re driving somewhere on autopilot and it feels like the time just disappeared by magic? That happens to me all the time, except rather than driving I was usually just stuck in one spot somewhere trying to remember what I was doing or having my brain spin off somewhere of its own accord. It particularly loves doing that in the shower. It’s delightfully helpful 🙄).

Without the energy to attend to even my most basic daily needs without an extended rest period, it’s frankly absurd to think that I could come even close to undertaking what a not-yet-disabled person can within 24 hours. I’m not even awake for the same number of hours within those 24, and it’s through no choice of mine! It took me years of deprogramming to convince myself that it’s okay to prioritise looking after myself; that taking care of myself actually needs to be my full time job. My body is not giving me a choice.

Of course, this is just my experience, and it will look different for everyone. The below graph is for example purposes only - all people with neurodivergence and other disabilities experience different levels of functional capacity. The graph illustrates how 24 hours can look for three people when they have different health and developmental requirements.

While we all might have 24 hours on the clock, the assertion that we all have the same 24 hours in a day doesn’t take health requirements or ability into account, never mind socioeconomic status, identity discrimination factors, carer or child rearing responsibilities, location, or any of the other myriad nuances involved in any one human life. This is the reason I never assume someone is down on their luck because “they’re just not trying hard enough”; one can never know what factors are at play.

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As someone living with disabilities that significantly affect my energy levels and ability to undertake day-to-day self-care, I spend an inordinate amount of time managing what little energy I have. On a practical level, this can look like:

• Having to choose between cleaning litter boxes, sorting my meds, or showering (on a good day; on a bad day, none are possible).

• Delaying important appointments for months.

• Choosing to socialise remotely rather than in person to preserve energy (and even this in moderation).

• Regularly skipping showers for two weeks at a time (in favour of baby wipes; showers will wipe out my energy for the rest of the day at least).

And that’s just a tiny peek into the many decisions I have to make for the sake of my health on a daily basis.

If you’ve never experienced disability or chronic illness before, it might seem on the surface that priorities “should” lean towards what are more often seen as “necessities”: food, water, shelter, cleanliness, that sort of thing. But disabled people are still human beings with complex feelings and whims; a concept that fails to occur to a surprising amount of people. (I’m currently seeing this failure to see us as human play out increasingly often online. It’s scary to see.)

The reality is that many disabled people like me will make sacrifices in other areas for things that will make us happy, whether it “makes sense” to others in society or not. In the last year or two, I realised just how important a creative outlet is to my happiness, so I prioritise engaging in creative projects whenever my energy allows. (Hopefully re-engaging with Substack will be part of this moving forward 🤞)

Why The 100 Day Project?

The 100 Day Project is hosted by here on Substack, and I have taken part in 2025 and 2026 (so far!). In 2025, I decided to combine two old childhood hobbies that I’d abandoned: photography and drawing. The drawing half captured me. With the invention of iPads and Procreate having occurred well after my frustrated attempts with pencil and eraser as a child, I was able to find a whole new love of drawing through this new medium. No more eraser marks. No more scratchy noises and friction and bugged my autistic sensory needs. No more shaky lines from my hypermobile hands. And the COLOURS. Infinite colours!! And the blending of those colours!? Honestly, I’m obsessed.

So, naturally, I went even further with my 100 day project this year; creating a more specific project and spending at least a couple of hours on it each day. Did I experience some extra pain? Yes. Did I shower even less than usual? Probably. Was it completely worth it for the joy of drawing and the progression of skills I managed to make in those 100 days? Absolutely.

I may not be able to clean myself regularly or keep my house neat and tidy, but I can do some excellent Procreate colour work, if I do say so myself!

I joke, but the plain fact of the matter is that, whether or not I did a project like this, I would not be able to consistently undertake activities of daily living. I choose my creative activities very carefully based on what my body and energy needs can handle, and I can much more easily spend 2 hours sitting quietly on the couch with my iPad than a few minutes in the sensory overwhelm zone that is the shower.

Many people doing The 100 Day Project, disabled or otherwise, reported similar reasons as to why they were drawn to a daily creative practice: joy, purpose, mindfulness, and wanting to make a daily habit of showing up and choosing creativity. It’s easy in a world so obsessed with outcomes (looking at you, AI tech bros) to forget that the joys (and struggles!!) of creative processes are a beautifully fulfilling experience and part of what makes us human.

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Okay, I know, I’m very late to the “Gillian Flynn writes brilliantly engaging thrillers” train, but please indulge me for a few minutes because WOW this book was good.

For context, prior to reading this book (which I did at the behest of my book recommendation MVP, ), I had never consumed a Gillian Flynn st…

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Hope Bringers
by Emma Jane Grey

Brave citizens who do their parts;
with every beat their aching hearts
reach out to those who need them most.
Valiantly they man their post,
push back the flames that climate brought.
They fight what human greed has wrought.

Loud activists who claim the space
required to shout right in the face
of monsters who think the…

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Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander readers are advised that this post contains the names of people who have died.

I’m only two books into 2026 (everyone measures time in books, right?) and already I’ve experienced my first five-star read of the year. If you’re looking for some powerful, personal, and political poetry, especially regarding the struggle…

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Happy New Year, one and all! I had an excellent reading year in 2025 with a total of 137 books read, a whopping 34 of which were five star reads! (Special thanks to for being the reason behind my picking up over half of those 34!) After removing a reread and some further narrowing down, please enjoy a spoiler-free summary of my top 25 reads of 2025.

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I’ve been much less active on Substack than I’d originally planned and there’s a very good reason for that. A few months ago I started to more seriously consider the possibility that my already diagnosed chronic illnesses and disabilities weren’t the only things holding me back in terms of functioning. There was a huge piece of the Emma puzzle left unso…

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Napping

slipping into easy comfort
sinking into warming darkness
empty quiet space created
frantic pace of life escaping
leave behind the overwhelm

overwhelm is not for leaving
pace of life not for escaping
suffocates the empty spaces
drowns me in a colder darkness
comfort slips just out of reach 

grounding arms
warm cats and blankets
tucked within s…

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I have a tendency to under-appreciate my birthday each year; to try and let it slip by as unnoticed as possible. But this year feels different. Emma aged 28 has gone through a huge year and I owe it to myself to properly acknowledge it in all its ups and downs. I owe it to myself to reflect properly, and to celebrate reaching this final year of my 20s.

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Avoiding Sunlight

It’s usual—I’ve heard the phrase—
for one to bask in sunshine’s rays.

But sunlight puts me in a daze:
it triggers migraines, clogs my gaze
and sounds with auras, feeds malaise.
It inundates in many ways.

Thus, vampire-like, I spend my days
beyond the reach of sunshine’s rays.

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Once in a blue moon, there comes along a book that makes me seriously consider rereading it immediately upon its completion. I’ve yet to give in to this temptation, but came very close with Build Your House Around My Body by Violet Kupersmith.

In this genre-defying piece of literary fiction, the fates …

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I am a domestic cat.

Or at least, I spend large portions of my day doing a very good impression of my sleepy chonker of a domestic cat, Penny.

Like Penny, I spend most of my day moving as little as I can, napping excessively, blocking out external sensory input when it’s to…

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Introductions are awkward.

Everyone who has ever been involved in a so-called “ice-breaker” activity is aware of this. Alas, they are also a requirement of the whole getting-to-know-one process, so here we are.

Who am I?

Oof, what a question. Without triggering an existential crisis, I am a chronically ill and disabled artist, book reviewer, poet, and short-form writer. I live in Naarm (Melbourne), Australia with my carer and my two cats.

Why am I here?

Again, existential, but I’m hoping to provide a sense of belonging, empathy, and whimsy through my writing and illustrations on a semi-regular basis. Due to the nature of my chronic illnesses I can’t say exactly how often I’ll be posting, but I’m hoping it will be a couple of times a week at least.

Free subscribers will gain access to most new posts (posts over 2 months old will be automatically paywalled), while some posts will be subscriber-only (frequency and type of these posts yet to be determined as of date of posting this.) Subscribers also get access to a subscriber-only chat!

Why am I here here?

I currently run two different Instagram accounts (emma_jane_reads and doodling.up.close), but have found much more value in the community on Substack in terms of feedback, freedom of artistic expression, and generally lower levels of overwhelm (don’t tell my Instagram followers 🤭). Plus, Meta sucks! Free Palestine!

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